Lady can't handle walking and texting at the same time, falls into icy canal

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British radio personality Laura Safe was typing messages to her boyfriend when she walked straight into the icy water of a canal in Birmingham--and it was all caught on CCTV.

"I thought the canal was pavement because it looked dark out of the corner of my eye," Safe told the Sun.

"I should really be called Laura UNsafe after the day I've had," she tweeted

Fortunately, a bystander was nearby to prevent any lasting damage from hypothermia. Neil Edginton, a businessman, called out for Safe to stop but it was too late.

"This man came running up Baywatch style, grabbed my hand and pulled me up," Safe gushed. "He was a hero and saved my life."

 

You'd figure with the amount of texting a chick does on a typical day they'd be able to text, make sandwiches and vaccuum all at once without nearly killing themselves. Well Ms. Safe shattered that thought with one icy plunge. Chicks just can't multi-task, no matter what it is, it really makes me appreciate the porn stars who can
simultaneously get DP'd while eating a girl out that much more.

Racist Legos

 

Source- Austria’s Turkish community said the model was based on Hagia Sophia mosque in Istanbul and that the accompanying figures depicted Asians and Orientals as people with “deceitful and criminal personalities.”

The Turkish Cultural Community of Austria released a statement calling for Lego to apologise for affronting religious and cultural feelings.

The anger was provoked by “Jabba’s Palace”, a model of the home of Jabba the Hutt from Lego’s Star Wars product range based on the blockbusting series of science fiction films.

Jabba is the large slug-like creature who holds Han Solo captive in the film Return of the Jedi, and his palace is the setting for several crucial scenes, including using Princess Leia as his slave.

Jabba’s domed home and accompanying watchtower bear, according to the statement, an unwanted resemblance to Istanbul’s great Hagia Sophia, and another mosque in Beirut.
Austria’s Turkish community also took issue with the figures that went with the palace, including Jabba.
“The terrorist Jabba the Hutt likes to smoke a hookah and have his victims killed,” said the statement posted on the organisation’s website.
“It is clear that the ugly figure of Jabba and the whole scene smacks of racial prejudice and vulgar insinuations against Asians and Orientals as people with deceitful and criminal personalities.”
The crimes associated with the figures, the statements adds, include terrorism, slavery, murder and human sacrifice.


Those sneaky Lego Asians with their deceitful and criminal personalities.
.



I've never seen two faces more hardened by a life of crime.
This article pretty much speaks for itself on how people all over the world love to call racism. Someone needs to clue Turkey in that you need to be important to have racist jokes at your expense. Or at least be connected to America. (Looking at you Mexico) Apparently to the Turkish Cultural Community of Austria Jabba puffing a hookah and having victims killed are equal crimes. Killing is one thing but once you involve a hookah, you get that pesky terrorist label.

Kid comes out during class speech

Yahoo-Coming out as LGBT is rarely easy, which makes Jacob Rudolph's story all the more impressive. When the high school student in Parsippany, N.J., came out, he did so in front of the entire school. His classmates responded with a standing ovation. During the presentation of senior class awards, Rudolph was given the Class Actor award, an irony not lost on him. "Sure I've been in a few plays and musicals, but more importantly, I've been acting every single day of my life," Rudolph said. "You see, I've been acting as someone I'm not."
Rudolph continued:

Most of you see me every day. You see me acting the part of "straight" Jacob, when I am in fact LGBT. Unlike millions of other LGBT teens who have had to act every day to avoid verbal harassment and physical violence, I'm not going to do it anymore. It's time to end the hate in our society and accept the people for who they are regardless of their sex, race, orientation, or whatever else may be holding back love and friendship. So take me, leave me, or move me out of the way. Because I am what I am, and that's how I'm going to act from now on.

Footage of Rodolph's speech and its positive reception was uploaded to the Web by his father, who noted on the video that it "took more guts to do than anything I've ever attempted in my life."
Rudolph spoke with NJ.com about his speech and the aftermath. "The more leaders who pop up in the LGBT community, the more it inspires others. It just becomes a whole domino effect," he said.
"It felt like this immense weight was gone," he added. "I'd been carrying it around with me for years. It affected me academically, emotionally, socially. It's like my life is now before and after. I think that explanation is what made this whole process make sense." The reactions have been across-the-board positive, including on Twitter. Anthony G. Watson tweeted, "‏#Jacob #Rudolph Gay New Jersey Teen, Comes Out During School Award Ceremony! We are all very proud of you!

I'm going against the grain here, according to this article everyone is OK with this. Let me start by saying I have nothing against the gay community at all, they make my life easier actually, takes a lot of the in shape, well dressed guys out of the competition for pussy because they are busy banging each other and that is great. What I do have a problem with is this kid coming out in front of everyone in his school, nobody cares bro. Everyone probably already knew it too.(being in plays and musicals is a key indicator) Just live your life without making announcements on what hole you like to stick it in or possibly receive it in. Apparently everyone gave him a standing O, the only explanation for that is claps are contagious. Once one person stands up and starts clapping within 5 seconds almost everyone will. This kid is an attention whore, accept your acting award say thank you and sit the fuck down. Don't turn it into your coming out party. Fuck this high school too for having an awards ceremony like this, your not the Academy, your a high school, almost nothing that happens there is important in 5 years anyway.

PS- He didn't even fully come out either, just said he was LGBT, leaving everyone to assume he is gay. I'm guessing gay tranny.

7 reasons why Cosmo says guys cheat

Source-1. They're Avoiding Intimacy
"Some men cheat to avoid any real intimacy. Intimacy scares them, so they distance themselves from their wife or girlfriend by cheating on her," says psychiatrist Gail Saltz, MD. This way they never have to fully rely on someone else, so they can't get hurt. Yeah, it makes sense in their minds…
2. They Crave Intimacy
On the flip side, some men are searching for intimacy outside of their relationship. According sex expert Emily Morse, some couples drift apart over time and don't communicate about their lack of intimacy. When that happens, some men think it's easier to just cheat instead of talking about it.
3. They're Hooked on the Honeymoon
You know how it goes-you can't get enough of each other at the beginning. But after a while, things feel more comfortable…which isn't a bad thing. Some men live for that honeymoon high and go elsewhere to find it.
4. They Want Control
Dr. Saltz says some men are unfaithful because they want control and power in the relationship, and cheating puts the ball in their court. 5. They Lack Willpower
Morse says that some men are just plain weak. They give into a sexual affair, "simply because the opportunity presented itself and they weren't strong enough to say no." Sounds like a cop-out to us.
6. They've Gotten Away With it Before
According to Dr. Saltz, not every cheater is a repeat offender, but they can be-especially if they haven't worked on figuring out what drove them to in the first place or if they just don't care about anyone but themselves.
7. They Want Variety
Get this: Some men will cheat even though they love the woman they're with. "Men admit to cheating because they crave variety" says Morse, "but have done so while still being very happy in their current relationship." Yeah…that's ridiculously lame.

Cosmo making shit way too complicated and proving once again they have no fucking clue what is going on in a guy's head. Either that or they know the truth but don't want to depress their fanbase.( delusional chicks who think quizzes and horoscopes are key to figuring out relationships)

Here are the 3 reasons we cheat:

1) Your sex game sucks but you bring enough intangibles to the table where we will still date you.

2) You got fat.

3) Alcohol

Teacher duct tapes student's mouths shut, then uploads pics on Facebook

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An Ohio middle school teacher is fighting to keep her job after a photo was seen on her Facebook page showing students of hers with duct tape across their mouths. The Akron school board is considering whether to terminate her.

Melissa Cairns, a middle school math teacher at Buchtel Community Learning Center, has been on unpaid administrative leave after an Akron public schools worker noticed a photo posted on Facebook of a group of students with duct tape across their mouths. The caption on the photo: "Finally found a way to get them to be quiet!!!"
Jason Haas, president of the Akron Board of Education, said the case raises questions about students' privacy and social media.
"This is the start of my sixth year on the board. In that time, we haven't had a case come before us for potential disciplinary action for posting a picture to social media websites," said Haas. "Has she violated the students' privacy? That's what we're concerned about. Everyone seems to be focused on the duct tape."
Sarah Hollander, communications officer for Akron Public Schools, issued a statement describing the case:
"There were about 15 or 16 middle school students in the class. Eight or nine students put the tape on their mouths. Cairns took a photo and posted it on her personal Facebook page as a joke. The photo wasn't dated, but was likely taken in late September or early October 2012," said Hollander. "Principal Sonya Gordon asked Cairns to take the photo down. She also alerted parents of students in the class." 


I think we can all agree this teacher is an idiot. Not so much for the duct taping of kid's mouths thing, but posting it on your Facebook after is such a chick move. They just feel the need to document every mundane occurrence, " Cooked chicken and veggies for lunch, gym nowwww getting ready for bikini season LOL! Plans laterrrrr????" It could be innocent but annoying updates like that but once in a while you get a pic on your newsfeed that makes your jaw drop, like when that chick who use to be cute in high school but is now 8 months pregnant post a disgusting picture of her bare, bulging about to pop stomach or you get a gem from Ms. Carins posting pics of kids duct taped up. Bottom line is bitches will post anything online, nothing is off limits.


PS- Love the principal, he doesn't give a fuck about the duct taped kids, just their privacy.

Factory workers hold managers hostage due to timed bathroom breaks

Source- BEIJING (AP) — Hundreds of Chinese factory workers angry about strictly timed bathroom breaks and fines for starting work late held their Japanese and Chinese managers hostage for a day and a half before police broke up the strike.

About 1,000 workers at Shanghai Shinmei Electric Company held the 10 Japanese nationals and eight Chinese managers inside the factory in Shanghai starting Friday morning until 11.50 p.m. Saturday, said a statement from the parent company, Shinmei Electric Co., released Monday. It said the managers were released uninjured after 300 police officers were called to the factory.
A security guard at the Shanghai plant said Tuesday that workers had gone on strike to protest the company's issuing of new work rules, including time limits on bathroom breaks and fines for being late.
"The workers demanded the scrapping of the ridiculously strict requirements stipulating that workers only have two minutes to go to the toilet and workers will be fined 50 yuan ($8) if they are late once and fired if they are late twice," said the security guard, surnamed Feng. "The managers were later freed when police intervened and when they agreed to reconsider the rules."Strikes have become commonplace in China, as factories operating in highly competitive markets try to get more productivity from their labor force and workers connected by mobile phones and the Internet become more aware of their rights


Fight the power! Great to see the Chinese factory worker finally stand up for their rights. Sure they can deal with 16 hour days,making a paltry amount of yaun an hour, cramped working conditions, but two minute bathroom breaks are too far. Two minutes for a piss and a fake hand-wash is reasonable, two minute shit breaks are a completely different story. On my best day I couldn't do that, it's crazy to expect that out of the Chinese factory worker whose diet consists only of rice.It's awesome of the managers to agree to only reconsider the rules after being held hostage for a day and half though. There is no chance after reconsidering they will come back with new rules.



 

Science says "chicks dig male B.O.

 

Source-PHILADELPHIA – Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania and the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia have found that exposure to male perspiration has marked psychological and physiological effects on women: It can brighten women's moods, reducing tension and increasing relaxation, and also has a direct effect on the release of luteinizing hormone, which affects the length and timing of the menstrual cycle.
"It has long been recognized that female pheromones can affect the menstrual cycles of other women," said George Preti, a member of the Monell Center and adjunct professor of dermatology in Penn's School of Medicine. "These findings are the first to document mood and neuroendocrine effects of male pheromones on females."
In a study led by Preti and colleague Charles J. Wysocki, extracts from the underarms of male volunteers were applied to the upper lip of 18 women ages 25 to 45. During the six hours of exposure to the compound, the women were asked to rate their mood using a fixed scale.
"Much to our surprise, the women reported feeling less tense and more relaxed during exposure to the male extract," said Wysocki, a member of the Monell Center and adjunct professor of animal biology in Penn's School of Veterinary Medicine. "This suggests that there may be much more going on in social settings like singles bars than meets the eye."
After the women's exposure to the underarm extract, further testing revealed a shift in blood levels of luteinizing hormone. Levels of this reproductive hormone, produced in pulses by the pituitary gland, typically surge right before ovulation but also experience hundreds of smaller peaks throughout the menstrual cycle.
Preti and Wysocki found that application of male underarm secretions hastened onset of these smaller pulses. Duration to the next pulse of luteinizing hormone was shortened by an average 20 percent, from 59 to 47 minutes.
The underarm extracts used in the study came from men who bathed with fragrance-free soap and refrained from deodorant use for four weeks. The extracts were blended to avoid reactions to individual men's odors. None of the women involved in the study discerned that male sweat had been applied right under their noses; some believed they were involved in a study of alcohol, perfume or even lemon floor wax.
Half the women received three applications of the male secretions during a six-hour period, followed three controlled exposures to ethanol, used as a control substance, over a six-hour period. For the other half, the regimen was reversed. The women did not report feeling any more or less energetic, sensuous, tired, calm, sexy, anxious, fatigued or active after exposure to male perspiration.


An earth shattering study coming out of  Monell Chemical Senses Center. I feel robbed and cheated, here I am my whole life using scented soap and deodorant like a sucker. Trying to smell nice for the ladies, sometimes I even use two kinds of cologne and your telling me it's all for naught? Makes me wonder why vagrants and Indian dudes aren't swimming in vag though.

PS- Is lemon floor wax a common scent that comes out of dude's armpits? I wish my B.O. smelled like pledge.

Michael Jackson fans are competing with Penn State for most delusional fan base award

Source-
Reviews on Amazon (AMZN) are becoming attack weapons, intended to sink new books as soon as they are published.
In the biggest, most overt and most successful of these campaigns, a group of Michael Jackson fans used Facebook and Twitter to solicit negative reviews of a new biography of the singer. They bombarded Amazon with dozens of one-star takedowns, succeeded in getting several favorable notices erased and even took credit for Amazon’s briefly removing the book from sale.
In "Untouchable: The Strange Life and Tragic Death of Michael Jackson,” Randall Sullivan writes that Jackson’s overuse of plastic surgery reduced his nose to little more than a pair of nostrils and that he died a virgin despite being married twice. These points in particular seem to infuriate the fans.
Outside Amazon, the book had a mixed reception; in The New York Times, Michiko Kakutani called it “thoroughly dispensable.” So it is difficult to pinpoint how effective the campaign was. Still, the book has been a resounding failure in the marketplace.
The fans, who call themselves Michael Jackson’s Rapid Response Team to Media Attacks, say they are exercising their free speech rights to protest a book they feel is exploitative and inaccurate. “Sullivan does everything he can to dehumanize, dismantle and destroy, against all objective fact,” a spokesman for the group said. An administrator for the rapid response team, who identified himself as Steve Pollard, said five people run the Facebook site and Twitter efforts, only three of them in the United States. Going after “Untouchable” was “a moral responsibility,” said Mr. Pollard, a 52-year-old resident of Detroit. He explained, “If you were to drive by a graveyard and see someone steal a corpse in order to make a profit, you would feel some responsibility to do something.”
He said that the response team did not tell fans what to say in their Amazon reviews and that they did not try to have the book removed, despite messages to the contrary on the Facebook page. But he added in an e-mail that some of the favorable reviews of “Untouchable” “were removed (I think) because they were attacks against fans and not reviews of his book. We reported the attacks of course.”

Randall Sullivan dropping bombs! I don't think MJ was a virgin however. A vaginal penetration virgin? Absolutely.  Definitely not a butt sex virgin though. I'm not here to speculate on his pedophilia/homosexual tendencies, I want to discuss Michael Jackson's Rapid Response Team to Media Attacks. When there is a media attack on MJ do they light up the sky with this?






Once they see the symbol in the sky they go running to the nearest device with an internet connection ready to one star the fuck out of some Amazon reviews. How about Scott Pollard? Your a 52 year old man who believes it is his duty to protect a dead dude you never met before from negative comments You are doing the family name proud. The quote at the end really gets me though, “were removed (I think) because they were attacks against fans and not reviews of his book. We reported the attacks of course.” Oh but of course! Dude you are from Detroit, if you reported every threat that's ever happened to you, you would have no time left to defend Jacko's honor.

Does this look like the face of a British grandma sentenced to death for smuggling drugs?

Source- An Indonesian court sentenced a British grandmother to death on Tuesday for smuggling cocaine worth $2.5 million in her suitcase onto the resort island of Bali — even though prosecutors had sought only a 15-year sentence.
Lindsay June Sandiford, 56, wept when judges handed down the sentence and declined to speak to reporters on her way back to prison, covering her face with a floral scarf. She had claimed in court that she was forced to take the drugs into the country by a gang that was threatening to hurt her children.
Indonesia, like many Asian countries, is very strict on drug crimes, and most of the more than 40 foreigners on its death row were convicted of drug charges.
Sandiford's lawyer said she would appeal, a process that can take several years. Condemned criminals face a firing squad in Indonesia, which has not carried out an execution since 2008, when 10 people were put to death.
In London, British Foreign Office Minister Hugo Swire told lawmakers Wednesday that the government strongly opposes Sandiford's sentence.
"We strongly object to the death penalty and continue to provide consular assistance to Lindsay and her family during this difficult time," he said.
Martin Horwood, a member of Parliament representing Sandiford's Cheltenham constituency in western England, called the sentence a shock and said he would raise the case with Foreign Secretary William Hague.
"The days of the death penalty ought to be past. This is not the way that a country that now values democracy and human rights should really be behaving," Horwood told the BBC.
Harriet McCulloch of human rights charity Reprieve, which is assisting Sandiford, urged the British government to support her appeal.
"Lindsay has always maintained that she only agreed to carry the package to Bali after receiving threats against the lives of her family," McCulloch said. "She is clearly not a drug kingpin — she has no money to pay for a lawyer, for the travel costs of defense witnesses or even for essentials like food and water."
In its verdict, a panel of Denpasar District Court judges concluded that Sandiford had damaged the image of Bali as a tourism destination and weakened the government's drug prevention program.
"We found no reason to lighten her sentence," said Amser Simanjuntak, who headed the judicial panel.
Prosecutors had been seeking a 15-year prison sentence for Sandiford, who was arrested in May when customs officers at Bali's airport discovered 3.8 kilograms (8.4 pounds) of cocaine in the lining of her luggage.


If shit ever hit the fan for me and I had to resort to the drug smuggling game I know now to stick to countries where it is not punishable by death. Death by firing squad? I'm shocked they are even being that humane, why not round up the townsfolk of Bali and supply them each with a rock for a public stoning? Truth be told I really don't believe Scarf Face's story at all. Your fighting for your life and the best you come up with is  some gang threatened my children? Even if it's true, your 56, your children are probably all grown ass adults who can take care of their own shit. It's time to let the birds leave the nest and politely decline the gang's request to smuggle 8 pounds of the devil's dandruff into foreign lands .Do what old ladies are suppose to be doing, watch your stories, be slightly racist, be pissed off when anyone calls and pissed off when nobody calls.

First day of classes, so bittersweet.

I just got home from my first day of the new semester and I couldn't be more disappointed. I've burned all bridges with the girls I met last semester so I was optimistic about the first day because it gives me a chance to scope out fresh talent and strategically seat myself in close proximity to a few cute bitches. Not happening in this class, If I was a pig I would be disgusted by the shit that was presented for me to roll in. Disgusting girls in every chair. To make matters worse the professor is a chick too and it's a known fact female professors who  aren't good looking are the absolute worst to have. No allowed absences? Calm down Stalin, it's beneficial to all of us if I miss a day here and there. I have the rest of my classes tomorrow so hopefully the law of averages kicks in and there is some quality, because if all my classes only have homely looking chicks in them I'm taking the semester off. I need the motivation of possible future pussy I can smash to keep me coming to class.

Fuck this camel

Source "She loves graham crackers. In one palm we write down with one of these magic markers the 49ers, and on the other, the Ravens. We cover them with graham cracker so she can't see. Whichever she chooses to eat first is her pick," Bergmann said. "She picked the 49ers to win yesterday, and they did."
But just this morning Princess had a change of heart.
"She picked the Baltimore Ravens. I guess she picked the older brother," Bergmann joked of the sibling rivalry this year between brothers, John Harbaugh, head coach of the Ravens, and Jim Harbaugh, head coach of the 49ers.


Seriously, a camel now? Every year it's some new animal who can predict the Superbowl and every year it gets covered by the media, last year it was a squid now a camel. Camels are the worst, you'd be hard pressed to find a dumber looking animal. Plus they have no self respect just letting humans ride their humps throughout the desert. Such subservient animals have no place making any predictions. Get a fucking owl or elephant, something wise, then I may listen. Better yet get two cocks to fight it out, Little Jerry in purple attire and Marcelino's cock in red and gold.

PS- Wanted to find the name of Marcelino's cock but there is no way I'm typing "Marcelino's cock" in any search engine.

Two piece pajama suits

Most people I assume are aware these pjs exist. I just have the question, who actually purchases these damn things? For starters they are not practical at all, no sane person would ever sleep in a shirt that buttons up and has a collar, unless it's the shirt you wore out last night while getting inebriated, trying to convince that 8 to sit on your face. I can not imagine sleeping in a shirt like that without being at least greyed out. I assumed for a while only elderly men bought these because nothing they do makes sense, until I saw this.

Unbelievable. What kind of mental disorder must you have to think this is proper attire for the outside world? A blind down-syndromy kid wouldn't be caught dead in this. Wearing just pj pants in public is a clown move but to wear the matching top too is just the right equation of not giving a fuck, being a clown, and mysterious mental ailment. To the girl with him, yeah I'm sure your far short from being the bell of the ball, but even you deserve a man who won't embarrass himself and you like this.

Diamonds and buffets

Source-  I'm not even going to get into speculating what the fuck this dude was doing with 400 G's of diamonds in his front seat or why he chose not to at least throw a shirt over the bag in a lazy attempt to conceal it while he was throwing down beef and broccoli. I know if buy a video game and have to stop somewhere on the way home I at least put that shit in the center console or slide it under the seat, and that's a 50 dollar game not almost a half a million dollars of precious stones. I have no sympathy for this dude. I don't want to write about him or his blood diamonds anymore, instead I want to focus on the buffet aspect of this story and rank the top 5 Chinese buffet choices.

5)Lo mein- Not the flashiest choice by any means but no visit is complete without at least a tong pinch of it. Also makes the list because it's near impossible to fuck up.

 4) General Tso's chicken- When it's done right it's a solid number 1. Problem is only a few buffets can get the great general's recipe down. Most of the time it's fried semi-spicy rubber that brings great shame on the military and culinary expertise of Gen. Tso.

  3) Shrimp with veggies- Not real shrimp you say? Don't give a fuck it is delicious. Why do you think there is always just a tin of brothy vegetables under the shrimp with vegetable placard?  As soon as a fresh one comes out the shrimp vultures strike. Mark my words one day you will hear about a brawl in a chinese buffet sparked by some asshole avoiding the veggies and loading his plate up of this shrimp.

 2) Sweet and sour chicken- Another classic, only outranks General Tso's because it doesn't matter if it's Chef Lee Chen from the Golden Dragon II buffet or Chef Liu Kang from the Mortal Kombat buffet it always taste the same.

 1) Crab legs-  May also be the root of a brawl.  I can't fathom living a life being allergic to shellfish. I'd probably risk the swollen face and closed esophagus for it.

PS- Typing the "and" in between Diamonds and Buffets just felt wrong because Diamonds Buffet sounds like an awesome buffet in Vegas.