Diamonds and buffets

Source-  I'm not even going to get into speculating what the fuck this dude was doing with 400 G's of diamonds in his front seat or why he chose not to at least throw a shirt over the bag in a lazy attempt to conceal it while he was throwing down beef and broccoli. I know if buy a video game and have to stop somewhere on the way home I at least put that shit in the center console or slide it under the seat, and that's a 50 dollar game not almost a half a million dollars of precious stones. I have no sympathy for this dude. I don't want to write about him or his blood diamonds anymore, instead I want to focus on the buffet aspect of this story and rank the top 5 Chinese buffet choices.

5)Lo mein- Not the flashiest choice by any means but no visit is complete without at least a tong pinch of it. Also makes the list because it's near impossible to fuck up.

 4) General Tso's chicken- When it's done right it's a solid number 1. Problem is only a few buffets can get the great general's recipe down. Most of the time it's fried semi-spicy rubber that brings great shame on the military and culinary expertise of Gen. Tso.

  3) Shrimp with veggies- Not real shrimp you say? Don't give a fuck it is delicious. Why do you think there is always just a tin of brothy vegetables under the shrimp with vegetable placard?  As soon as a fresh one comes out the shrimp vultures strike. Mark my words one day you will hear about a brawl in a chinese buffet sparked by some asshole avoiding the veggies and loading his plate up of this shrimp.

 2) Sweet and sour chicken- Another classic, only outranks General Tso's because it doesn't matter if it's Chef Lee Chen from the Golden Dragon II buffet or Chef Liu Kang from the Mortal Kombat buffet it always taste the same.

 1) Crab legs-  May also be the root of a brawl.  I can't fathom living a life being allergic to shellfish. I'd probably risk the swollen face and closed esophagus for it.

PS- Typing the "and" in between Diamonds and Buffets just felt wrong because Diamonds Buffet sounds like an awesome buffet in Vegas.